In praise of bad break-ups


“I heard you once say that a lie is sweet in the beginning and bitter in the end, and the truth is bitter in the beginning and sweet in the end.” (xtc – dj koze)

A positive but maybe not so good idea of getting over a break-up is to romanticize the idea of it, like shampoo commercials: you can have a perfect break-up in just 3 steps!

  1. You have to take the past, put it in a nice box, wrap it in gift paper and say thank you, (next). You are grateful for what you lived with your ex lover and feel lucky for all the memories.
  2. Now you shake the dust from the feet and claim you learned another precious lesson about life that made you a better version of yourself.
  3. Your eyes gaze upon an imaginary horizon and you say to yourself “there are a lot of beautiful things coming in the future for me”.

So you are satisfied with yourself and got nothing more to reflect upon. In the end, everything is positive: the past is nothing but “wonderful”, the break-up is “not so bad”, and at the future… you will only win. That’s completely rubbish!

The truth is, a break-up can be an unique tool of self-reflection, but only if you want to use it. Dealing with the negative and digging deeper into yourself might be the way of true healing. Covering the shit under the carpet is good enough but that will keep stinking until you admit to yourself that you were one of the two that did it and then take your part of shit out. To fit some Buddhist quote so that you excuse me for my dirty language: “purity or impurity depends on oneself, no one can purify another.” The truth is hard to admit but it’s inherently the only way to our true selves. We are all bad humans, we have plenty of flaws and it’s terribly hard for other people to live with us. We might be loved but let’s be honest, putting somebody to deal with our unresolved issues might just ruin their happiness. And if you’re not a cold block of ice lacking empathy for someone else besides your own self, I think the thought of hurting the ones you love should be enough to move something inside you, to blow off your imaginary bubble.

And the future starts now. Yes, the deep hurt that you feel makes the beginning taste kinda bitter. But maybe in the end it will be better than a lie.

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